I am a Step Mother
When I started my blog I added a list of my job descriptions to my little “about me” section. I have blogged about each one so far and today is my job as Step Mother.
I have two Step Children. Kenny is 13 and Stephanie is 9. They came into my life when they were 8 & 3.
Step mothers get a bad rap thanks to Disney. We are perceived as evil, uncaring, selfish, jealous, etc. thanks to good old Walt (and sometimes The Brothers Grimm). I am sure there that it is no coincidence that my step daughter looks like Snow White and I am now cast as the evil Step Mother looking into the magic mirror to assure myself that I am still the fairest of them all. To be honest, nothing could be further from the truth. I am confident in my place as wife to my husband and mother to these children, I have no looking glass, nor are there 7 little men lurking about.
Kenny was diagnosed as autistic at a very young age. We are questioning the validity of that diagnosis at this time. Since he has been in our care 100% of the time and has been removed from the environment of the woman that birthed him he is a different child. It has been a metamorphosis that rivals that of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. He is a kind and gentle boy who is just beginning to feel the teenaged angst. He is my son. I can’t imagine life without him, and am thankful that G-d gave me the opportunity to parent a son.
Stephanie is a princess. She also has some not so nice princess tendencies, but we tend to over look them because she is so damn cute and loving! She is smart as a whip, and like Kenny this has come out since being removed from her previous environment. She was receiving tutoring prior to being placed into our sole care and is now excelling and exceeding in all areas at school. Again….a butterfly.
Being a step mother is hard. There are no rules, no instruction manual, and a whole lot of stereotypes to get over. I parented an only child and now I am in the role of mother to two young children. I am thankful for the opportunity and challenge to parent two children with my husband, for this is the only way we will parent together.
Some days I am conflicted because Stephanie and Grace are very near the same age. I feel resentment that I can’t be the Nana to Grace that I want to be because I am a mother to Stephanie and to treat them differently wouldn’t be fair to either of them. I want to be able to be the Nana that hops the kids up on sugar, keeps them up late, spoils them with stuff and sends them home. I can’t do that with kids their same age in the house that I am required to parent.
My kids come from an abusive and neglectful situation. Kenny is said to have PTSD due to his mother’s actions and inactions. Stephanie is said to be suffering from Battered Child Syndrome. Many a tear has been shed by me for them.
I don’t know that I would recommend being a step mother or second wife to anybody. It is a rough road and not one for those who are weak. I find it a challenge every day but the rewards are ten fold. I wouldn’t have my life any other way. Honest.
I am blessed to parent these children and call them mine.
When I started my blog I added a list of my job descriptions to my little “about me” section. I have blogged about each one so far and today is my job as Step Mother.
I have two Step Children. Kenny is 13 and Stephanie is 9. They came into my life when they were 8 & 3.
Step mothers get a bad rap thanks to Disney. We are perceived as evil, uncaring, selfish, jealous, etc. thanks to good old Walt (and sometimes The Brothers Grimm). I am sure there that it is no coincidence that my step daughter looks like Snow White and I am now cast as the evil Step Mother looking into the magic mirror to assure myself that I am still the fairest of them all. To be honest, nothing could be further from the truth. I am confident in my place as wife to my husband and mother to these children, I have no looking glass, nor are there 7 little men lurking about.
Kenny was diagnosed as autistic at a very young age. We are questioning the validity of that diagnosis at this time. Since he has been in our care 100% of the time and has been removed from the environment of the woman that birthed him he is a different child. It has been a metamorphosis that rivals that of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. He is a kind and gentle boy who is just beginning to feel the teenaged angst. He is my son. I can’t imagine life without him, and am thankful that G-d gave me the opportunity to parent a son.
Stephanie is a princess. She also has some not so nice princess tendencies, but we tend to over look them because she is so damn cute and loving! She is smart as a whip, and like Kenny this has come out since being removed from her previous environment. She was receiving tutoring prior to being placed into our sole care and is now excelling and exceeding in all areas at school. Again….a butterfly.
Being a step mother is hard. There are no rules, no instruction manual, and a whole lot of stereotypes to get over. I parented an only child and now I am in the role of mother to two young children. I am thankful for the opportunity and challenge to parent two children with my husband, for this is the only way we will parent together.
Some days I am conflicted because Stephanie and Grace are very near the same age. I feel resentment that I can’t be the Nana to Grace that I want to be because I am a mother to Stephanie and to treat them differently wouldn’t be fair to either of them. I want to be able to be the Nana that hops the kids up on sugar, keeps them up late, spoils them with stuff and sends them home. I can’t do that with kids their same age in the house that I am required to parent.
My kids come from an abusive and neglectful situation. Kenny is said to have PTSD due to his mother’s actions and inactions. Stephanie is said to be suffering from Battered Child Syndrome. Many a tear has been shed by me for them.
I don’t know that I would recommend being a step mother or second wife to anybody. It is a rough road and not one for those who are weak. I find it a challenge every day but the rewards are ten fold. I wouldn’t have my life any other way. Honest.
I am blessed to parent these children and call them mine.
4 comments:
There is no job harder, more important, and more rewarding then that of being a parent. Doesn't matter if you actually helped in bringing them into the world or not. Just about anyone can produce a child, but being mom and dad? That is where the difference lies.
I'm not too happy with the whole Step Mother image portrayed by Walt, either.
It is a tough road, and each family's road is unique. I think those kids are quite blessed to have you. :)
Thanks ladies. I think I am blessed to have them too.
You're amazing. Period. End of story.
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